| enthusiasm |
[26 Jan 2001|10:46am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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yet another snowstorm on its way |
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I was told the other day that I didn't show enough enthusiasm in my interviews at MCW. Hmmm...that's not how I saw it at all. I thought the interviewers were the ones who were pretty unenthusiastic. One was late and hadn't even read through my application file and the other was in a long stretch of 14hr work days and seemed like he would fall asleep at any moment. It seems like the things I really think that I want, I don't get. And, I end up with things that are better for me in the long run. Like rob, I want him in my life, but I think that it's probably better that he really doesn't want to be because there's probably someone better for me. I didn't really want the job I got in Waukesha because I thought it was too far away, but I got it because it's better for me than anything else I could've gotten. Not to mention, the people are cool, the money is great, and I may be getting yet another raise for getting certified, wooohoooo! So maybe doctoring isn't my thing, maybe I'm meant to be a surgeon trapped in a pharmacist's body, who knows. The hours are better, it pays pretty good, it may take a few more classes to get into, but I have a better chance of getting in (without having to do that unicycle juggling thing:).
(Boy, they even have a spell-check now, wow.)
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| technology sucks |
[13 Jan 2001|10:47am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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quiet, no construction to wake me up, YAY |
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If we didn't always have access to the latest and greatest, then we wouldn't miss it when it wasn't there. I know this sounds really shallow, but when a car CD player doesn't work, it really pisses me off. Now, I either have to find someone to fix it or get a new one. Since it's five years old and lived through some very cold weather, I think I'll buy a new one. I have the money, but I'd rather save it for something else, but...I hate the radio and I didn't spend a lot of money on a sound system just to play the radio. Agh, decisions, decisions. At least it keeps my mind off of the things that really bother me, sick family, wussy family, family far away for a long time, med school, ROB!!!! Like erin says, I need a man. Ah, someday I'll find one as good as him who will actually be interested in me. i think i just need a vacation, but i have no one to go with, hmmmm
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| to be, or not to be... |
[20 Dec 2000|07:36pm] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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Even though I'm on the alternate lists at Madison and MCW, should I try to get into pharmacy school for 2001, or should I wait till 2002? My better judgement has taken over, and I think I'll wait till 2002, if i don't get into med school. My parents seem pretty positive about me wanting to apply to pharmacy school, but I think they are disappointed, too. maybe they think i'm giving up or something, i don't know. It's just when you have a feeling, you have a feeling and mine are usually right. I had wonderful interviews at madison and mcw, but both times when i walked into the schools on interview day, i just thought "this isn't me." and my soul just screamed "leave, get out of here!". I think i'm supposed to make a little money, and maybe really solidify my goals before i go to med school. Pharmacy school would be a great stepping stone to med school, i'd also learn some things about pharmacology and toxicology that i wouldn't get from med school.
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| confusion, frustration...oh my |
[18 Dec 2000|11:23am] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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the silently falling white stuff of another snowstorm, yay |
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Frustration...I am not where I want to be in life and it seems like I'm getting farther from it. I want to go to medical school and become a doctor. But, for the second year in a row I'm on the alternate lists for both MCW and Madison medical schools. What, is it going to be like last time around, where I hardly move on the lists at all and I end up not getting in? I don't know. It's really frustrating to be stuck in a rut and not have any control over the situation. It makes me wonder if I'm really supposed to go to med school. I did have a feeling that if I only got to the alternate lists again, that it really wasn't meant to be right now. Sometimes, (actually, most of the time, even though I don't always listen to it) my intuition is right. If I don't get in this time, I'm only going to apply once more, and even that won't be a serious application.
Confusion...It's really hard to care deeply (love maybe?) for someone and not be able to tell him for fear of losing him completely or not having him feel the same way. After we see eachother, I cry because I miss him and I'm afraid that I won't ever see him again. We were talking with one of his friends who was having girl problems, and my friend basically said that he was afraid of having strong feelings for someone and be in a relationship because he doesn't want to get hurt or have some game played on him, or maybe even hurt someone else. He said this in reference to a relationship he ended for that reason a few years ago. Afraid of committment, maybe? That's ok, relationships and feelings are pretty serious stuff. I cry because I'm afraid that someday he'll decide he wants a relationship, and it won't be with me, and I won't get to see him or be close to him anymore. When I'm around him, or I talk to him, he makes me feel good (no, I don't mean just in bed, either). I don't want to lose that. What does it mean when you are laying in bed in kauaii wishing, even begging, to find someone to enjoy life with and go on adventures with, and the next day you check your messages and find one of a half-panicked man wondering if something bad happened to you or you moved away somewhere because your answering machine wasn't working for a week and he couldn't get ahold of you? Does that mean he cares about you at least a little? Hey, maybe I'm really meant to move there and go to school (med, pharmacy, whatever). I don't know, it's those little things that make you wonder, right erin? I know...I'm a stupid fool and I can't help it.
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| Boy, I feel left out...but that's ok. |
[04 Nov 2000|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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 relaxed |
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music |
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nelly, country grammar...must get cd |
] |
I feel out of touch with children's, all the news I get is third hand from there. That's ok though, I don't think I want to be there now, too much turmoil with the big boss getting fired. I wonder who the other two people are who've had interviews. It can't be at Waukesha, because I would've known about it and seen them, unless it was yesterday, but the only interview I know about for yesterday was Amy's. Hm, interesting.
I had an interview at the medical school in Madtown yesterday. I think it went really well, much better than last year. Maybe I'm really ready to become a doctor now. I felt silly and stupid last year, but now I feel confident and a little less stupid this year. It made me feel better that half the people there for interviews had also interviewed the year before, I didn't feel like I was the only one who didn't get in. One girl had some horror stories about her interviews last year, I guess the doc who interviewed her basically told her that women weren't meant to be in the medical profession. Considering that was illegal for him to say, i asked her why she didn't tell anyone right away. She said she hadn't known what to do at the time, but told her advisor later. I guess I wasn't the only one who was a little immature and nieve last year. We also had a tour of the hospital there, I was quite impressed. The have a large neuroscience department and a pretty high-tech imaging department. I didn't want to go there initially, but I think I might change my mind if I get in at both MCW and Madison.
Speaking of dumb, jerk doctors, I heard the funniest thing the other day at Vittucci's. Alex, one of the bartenders there, came up to me and mentioned that there were a bunch of doctors and nurses there from Froedert that came in to the bar a lot. I looked over, and the docs looked like a bunch of residents, definitely not over the age of thirty. So then alex asks about taking zyprexa(i think, the antipsychotic for bipolar and manic depressive disorders) with alcohol, because one of the doctors recommended it to him. I laughed, and wished I would never have to see that doctor for some serious illness. I told alex that there was a good chance that you could die from that combination. See (erin, correct me if I'm wrong, please), by itself, a drug like that is a mild CNS depressant that slows breathing lowers blood pressure makes you a little lethargic, nothing major unless you overdose. But, when taken with another CNS depressant (like alcohol!!) it can be extremely dangerous in normal doses, um..let's see, how about extreme lethargy, tacychardia?, breathing cessation, seizures and possibly stroke. Not a fun way to get high in my opinion, more like a good way to fall asleep, possibly forever.
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[29 Oct 2000|12:30pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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washing machine-it's laundry day! |
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I'm so happy that I got the job at Waukesha Memorial. I've already gotten an unexpected raise and I've only been there two weeks. And, the people there are so nice, it's quite a change from the some of the people at children's. Now everyone from children's wants to work at WMH. Hopefully erin and amy will get the jobs they applied for there and I hope tammy can get a pt position, but, I did leave children's to get away from some of the people there.
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| life is strange sometimes |
[03 Oct 2000|07:00pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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Button's boyfriend, Vince, lost his mother last week so things have been pretty tough for them. At least now that the funeral and everything is over, they will have time to heal. It's sad to see such a warm, loving family lose someone very dear to them.
Oh, I got a job at Waukesha Memorial, I start on the 16th. YAY!!
Ok, I'm having a small problem with this guy I met in Minnesota (no, erin, not Rob:). A couple months ago, he called and left a message on my machine. I was extremely busy at the time, so I didn't call him back right away. A week later, he starts leaving these lewd, drunken messages on my machine. So, I decided not to call him again. Now, he's been calling every day for the past 4-5 days, at 11pm when I'm trying to sleep, and sometimes more than once a day. He's being rude, I really don't want to talk to this guy again, but he won't stop calling. It's really pissing me off. Like I want to talk to someone who is drunk and is only interested in sleeping with me. He wants to come visit me. Yeah, like that will ever happen, ha! Anyway, hopefully he will stop calling.
oh well, back to reality, later
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| wheeeeeee! |
[25 Sep 2000|03:35am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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silence, mmmmmm.... |
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He called, he called, he called, he called! Of course I wasn't at home when he called, but he left me a nice little message. I'm so happy he still wants to talk to me after our big blowout with my cousin. This will keep me going the rest of the night, yay!
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[23 Sep 2000|09:45am] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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Alice In Wonderland on the tv |
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I haven't updated in a while, so I though I should at least write something. Things have been pretty hectic in the last couple of weeks. First, I sprain my ankle, then my car breaks (not a bad break, but enough to put me out a few hundred dollars). The day after that, my grandmother dies, so my life gets put on hold. I couldn't even go to work that weekend, I was so upset. Next, I get a wopping cold, but I have to go to work because I was feeling guilty about taking the weekend off. I'm finally over that, and now I get a huge medical bill. I feel like asking "What next?" but hopefully my bad luck streak is finished for a while. One good thing, though, is that I finally got my medical school application done. At least that's one thing I don't have to worry about. Just wait and see what comes of it, hopefully another interview at MCW:)
Anyway, the last couple of days, I've felt really restless, like something big is going to happen. Maybe it will be something good this time.
Now I must get some sleep, I'm working for buttons tonight and tomorrow night. bye
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| blahhhhhh |
[12 Sep 2000|06:11pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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loud computer, i think i should invest in that new G4 cube |
] |
Why me? I walk into work and I see that the third shift pharmacist is still there. I knew it was going to be a bad day. My job assignment was answering the poison phone and packaging. Needless to say, I didn't get much packaging done bc the phone was ringing off the hook. It's the first time I've recorded more calls than our Madison counterpart. And, to top it off, a pharmacist calls in sick so we have to deal with our big boss all day. For a director of pharmacy (management that is) he really hasn't developed very good people skills. He goes around and barks orders at people, he'll sit down and do nothing while everyone else is busy, and then yell at them for not answering the phone right away. Why doesn't that big jerk answer it himself? It must be a full moon coming up, that's the only explanation for our chaos at work. At, least I get a day off tomorrow, wheeeeeee! My foot is killing me, and I'm beginning to wonder if it is broken. Oh well, can't afford a doctor visit, so I guess I'll never know.
Ever been out with a guy that smells really good (on top of being extremely attractive)? There's this guy I know, who smells sooo good. Sometimes I'll remember his smell all of a sudden, and I'll get lost in lala land. I don't know, I think I'm silly. Why dream about someone who doesn't call you back? I think it might have something to do with my cousin. But, that's another story altogether. I'll tell it some other time I think.
peace and love, bye
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| What a dreary day! |
[11 Sep 2000|04:57pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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thunder and lightning, the outdoorsy kind |
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Ever notice how you feel so much more tired on a dark, yucky day? I woke up this morning and felt more tired than I was when I went to sleep. I felt like a zombie walking around work. Maybe it's because I've lost my motivation, I don't know. I was supposed to go to medical school this fall, and I was on the waiting list at the school next to the hospital that I work at. But, I only made it to #18. After filling out applications, essays, taking the medical school admissions test, spending at least $1200 on applications, and working my ass off for 4 1/2 years, all I get is #18. whoopdydoo. It's hard to fill out more apps. when you don't know if things will go differently this time around. I'm completely on my own now, no free health care or help from my 'rents anymore. If I'd gone to school, I'd at least have some financial aid. Now I have all of these things to pay for all at once, doctor bills, car bills, etc., and it's very hard to do it on only ten bucks an hour. I asked for a raise, yeah like that will happen. I don't know what I'd do if i got sick. I sprained my ankle last week, bad, and I couldn't even take a day off work. I'd be screwed.
Anyway, there's a small light at the end of this not so dark tunnel. i've been applying for some other jobs so i can get health insurance and other benefits, and i got an interview at the VA hospital. They seem very interested in me, partly bc not too many people have applied there (by the way, I share the same work related terror that buttons does, I'm a pharmacy tech at the same hospital, we're known as the bopsy twins). They even set up a special interview time for me bc I was working on the days they had set aside for interviews. If they offer me more money, I'll take the job.
ok, I've had enough thinking for one day, see ya later alligator (call me, yeah you know who you are you sexy thing :)
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